Definitely, one of the most beautiful and most terrifying things I could imagine experiencing, is going to sleep knowing I am loved, fully and whole heartedly by someone so closely to being myself that it cradles my nightmares into dreams, but also fearing the love would one day disappear and take away all the lullabies with it.

I like the details engraved in the soles of my sneakers, and the backs of dresses; I like watching you glide into the kitchen in dance-like motions even when your feet are too heavy for you to be graceful; I’ve seen you knot your brows when the caverns you enter are far too advanced for your mind to translate into binaries and solvable equations. The way the smoke caresses your features as it escapes the tightness of your lips when you’ve lost yourself listening to my theories on human behavior and analytics, & how your focus breaks into softness when I catch you off guard with a kiss..

I’ve lost the taste for mornings without your texts decorating the swirls of my rituals when I place brushes 4, 6, and 13 near my keyboard, with my nude palettes and rosy pink liquid blush; I remember your warmth whenever I dab the sun’s essence against my cheeks for 2 minutes to get that goddess glow you compliment so every often.

Let the skies wake the earth’s soldiers to keep me from you 6 days a week, while I call for my angels to protect them, let the prayers howled against you try to surpass the whispers I breathe for you before I sleep. Let fate break my wrists every time I tug at my responsibilities just to sneak in 5 minutes of your song; let it break me, let it break my bones, let it destroy my spirits, let it force my lungs to collapse into itself with every thought-

Because we know
with destruction comes better
with destruction… comes much higher

and it will influence this deity to war.


One thought on “transcendence

  1. I am going through this similar experience. It’s been a difficult two months, I cried every day, now I feel the light at the end of the tunnel coming but I feel a certain numbness to the whole experience because I miss being able to talk to my best friend//partner in crime every day.

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